The Depths Of Nothing - J&L
by charlhooliganx
Summary: (EastEnders) Joey&Lauren- What I would have preferred to have seen on the episode on 30th May. 4-shot.
1. chapter 1

**So first of all, WHY THE FUCK DID JOEY LEAVE LAUREN CRYING WHEN LUCY ASKED HIM TO HELP WITH THE BINS? I MEAN REALLY, THE FUCKING BINS? Sorry... Anyway, after watching it, this is how I wanted to see that episode of _30th May_ actually play out...  
**

_**The Depths Of Nothing**_

_Joey & Lauren_

"Lauren! Please, Lauren!" Abi was calling continuously behind me, as I rolled my eyes and strutted on forwards out of the Vic, flicking my hair over my shoulder. "Why do you keep doing this? Please, just come home!" she shouted again, the misery evident in her voice as she attempted to make a grab for my arm.

I turned round, shoving her away before folding my arms over my chest, the tears stinging in my dark orbs. "Just go home Abs..." I begged her, wiping my eyes furiously before a gentle voice behind us stopped me.

"Lauren? Lauren, you alright?" Joey's voice shouted, my whole body freezing as I looked down before turning around. I caught his gaze, melting underneath his sympathetic expression. "Lauren?" he questioned softly, walking cautiously towards me.

I shook my head, a sob escaping my lips. "No..." I managed to get out, my voice coming out more or less a whimper. "No, I'm not alright..." I finished, and with that he curled me into his embrace, me snuggling into him as I sobbed uncontrollably, tears tumbling ferociously down my face. His arms went around me as I wrapped them around my neck, not caring that we were stood in the middle of the street with the nosy Walford gossipers with all their stares glued onto us; all I needed in this time and place was Joey. Nobody else, just him.

"Joey," Lucy's bitchy, little mouth spoke. "Can you help me with the bins, please?" I thanked God he was ignoring her, whispering soft words of sympathy in my ear, as I opened my eyes to glare at her. "Please?" she added in a whiny tone, making my roll me eyes before closing them again. My grip tightened on Joey, not wanting to let go; I needed him like I needed to breathe, he was literally my life line.

"Just leave it, yeah, Luce?" he muttered to her, turning his head in a swift motion before turning his focus back to me. I saw her roll her eyes before stomping back inside; I still didn't care, I needed him more than she did. After a few more minutes, I began to calm down, him releasing his hold on me ever so slightly. "Do you want to go back home?" he asked, me shaking my head immediately in response. "Mine?" he questioned hesitantly, me nodding quickly as he wound one arm around my waist, pulling me into his side, as I enjoyed the way I fit under his shoulder so neatly. "Abs, just go home, tell your Mum she's with me." he told my sister confidently, her nodding and running off back to No.5.

"Thank you," I whispered, him helping me up the steps to No.23 and opening the door, leading me into the living room and sitting us on the sofa. I looked up, a little thankful Alice wasn't here to question my motive.

He smiled at me gently, sitting next to me as he pulled me into another hug. "It's okay," he told me quietly, releasing me from his hug as I managed a crooked smile back at him, wiping my mascara-stained face, looking at his coat and biting my lip nervously. He noticed this and he smirked, taking off his jacket and flinging it over the arm of the sofa. "It's alright, babe. You remember what I said to you the other day, don't you?" he asked, me furrowing my eyebrows before remembering and nodding slowly. "I meant what I said, I care about you, Lauren." he told me, me smiling slightly as I saw him about to lift his hand to tuck my hair behind my ear, deciding to stroke my cheek gently instead.

"Thank you," I whispered again, not really sure how to respond. I cared deeply for him too, even if we weren't together I was grateful he'd still be by my side. I sighed slowly, folding my arms over my chest. "I love you..." I piped up suddenly, mentally slapping myself hard as soon as the words left my mouth; _great_.

Unexpectedly, a smile crossed his face as he pressed a kiss to my forehead. "I love you too, babe, but-"

"I know, I need help..." I cut him off, him nodding slowly as his tense body visibly relaxed at my confession. "I want you to help..." I finished nervously, finding myself leaning forwards to plant a lingering kiss to his lips, this time him responding for a few minutes before we pulled back for a gulp of air. "Will you help?" I asked, him nodding again, taking my hands in his much larger ones.

"Yes, babe. Of course I will," he replied, our little moment broken by a forceful knock at the door, me releasing a breath as he regretfully got up to answer it. "Sorry..." he whispered, me joining him in the hall, my appearance pretty much forgotten, when I swallowed as I saw who it was.

Her hands were on her hips, and her eyes were glaring straight into Joey's. "Is this what you do then, eh, Joey? You pick up young girls for a few months, dump them, and then come running back to them? So, what was it? You and Lucy weren't working out? Is this how you repay to family? After everything we've done for you? Lauren, darling, come on..." Mum sneered, before holding her hand out for me to take it. I shook my head, the tears stinging in my eyes again. "NOW!" she yelled, grabbing me by the arm as Joey's wrapped securely round my waist, holding me firmly in place.

"No, Tanya. She needs help. Not your help, not my help, professional help. And I'm going to help her get just that. If she comes with you, then she-"

"Are you seriously telling me what to do with my own daughter? You left her, when she needed you most and who was there to pick up the pieces? ME!" she yelled, my grip tightening once again on Joey. He shook his head, his eyes locking with mine for a second before looking back at my mother.

"And that's a mistake I will have to live with. I'm helping her now, you're not. We're living in the present, not the past." he told her, clearly impressed his voice was remaining strong. "Now, if you'll excuse me, Tanya, I want Lauren to get better so we'll be moving her things back in... tomorrow?" he said confidently, a grin covering my face as he shut the door, not waiting for an answer as he scooped me up into his arms.

What did I ever do to deserve this man?

**A/N: So, that's how I would've liked to have seen it. This will be a two/three shot, since I want to involve the punch :D. Tell me what you think! x**

**OMG, JOEY PUNCHES MICHAEL AGAIN SOON, FUCK YES! sorry, haha x **


	2. chapter 2

**I can't thank you enough for the reviews on the last chapter, they're really helping me through lately. I was in a slightly happier mood since Bruno tweeted for the first time since Mama Mars' death; I had such a stupid smile on my face reading it. Stay strong Bruno! 3.  
**

**Sorry for not updating ANY of my stories, but believe it or not but I've been reading this 112 paged fan fiction for Bruno on tumblr at the moment and I've been kinda absorbed in it for the last few days... hehe;).**

**Anyway, worries and sad times aside, here's the next chapter! Enjoy!  
**

* * *

_**The Depths Of Nothing**_

_Joey & Lauren_

The next morning, I woke up a little earlier than usual and propped myself up in alarm, before taking in my surroundings and realizing where I was. I sighed as the events of last night hit me hard, although I was pretty chuffed I didn't have the usual hangover. It was then I realized Joey's arms were swept lazily around my waist, keeping me tight in his possessive grip. I lay back down, snuggling into Joey's chest, smiling as I watched his chest rise and fall in a perfect rhythm; he looked so perfect, like absolutely nothing was wrong.

A few peaceful minutes later, he turned slightly underneath me, his arms curling me tighter into him before he stuffed his face in my hair, giving me a better chance to take in his scent. I took a few moments to appreciate the position we were in, us lapsing into a long, comfortable silence, before I finally got up properly, poking Joey's chest playfully. "Time to get up, sunshine!" I giggled, hearing him groan quietly before opening his eyes to look at me, his lips turning to a lopsided smirk. "Hey," I whispered, pressing a kiss to his dry lips, his hazel eyes melting into mine.

"Hey, yourself," he murmured gently, his fingers tapping gently up and down my waist, sending shivers all the way up my spine. "Is this okay?" he questioned out of the blue, me furrowing my eyebrows slightly before raising them, not having a clue what he meant. He obviously figured this as he replied. "You being here..."

I smiled at his concern, cupping his head with my hand and running my thumb over his slightly stubble-covered cheek. "Shouldn't it be me asking that?" I asked slowly, him shrugging and looking back up at me. "I love it. I love you. Thank you." I answered, his grin making my heartbeat dance; _fucking adorable dimples, WHY_?

"It's fine. I love you being here," he replied, me tracing my fingers over his defined chest. "Guess we better get ready then, eh?" he sighed, getting up and leaving me to shower. I groaned, getting up myself as I remembered I didn't have any of my own clothes. I threw on one of his shirts and my jeans, brushing my hair and curiously making my way downstairs, a little caught off guard as I saw Alice cradling a cup of warm coffee as she looked at me, sat at the kitchen table.

"Lauren?" she questioned, clearly surprised at my sudden appearance as much as I was at hers. She nodded at the chair next to her, as I sat down and studied her, trying to work out her general expression. "I didn't expect to see you." she acknowledged, giving me one of her small, warm smiles that seemed to comfort me.

I folded my arms over my chest, leaning them on the table. "Yeah," I sighed; what else was there to say?

She raised her eyebrows at me, before smiling again. "You're looking a little better, I must say," she told me carefully, me nodding slowly, managing to crack a smile back. "Are you and Joey okay?" she asked me, clearly wondering what the hell was going on at the moment. And to be honest, I didn't even know myself at this stage.

"Yeah," I replied quietly again, my mouth struggling to form any other word. I sighed, figuring I needed to tell her anything. Knowing her, she'd find out eventually, with her 'innocent-or-not-so-innocent-as-you-may-think' ways. I smirked at the thought, Alice getting all hyped up and feisty, before recomposing myself and saying, "He's going to help me." I reassured her; it was nice to see she cared for me _and_ her brother.

* * *

Walking arm in arm with Joey, who I wasn't sure I was yet to call my 'boyfriend' again, it felt like the best feeling in the world; just like old times. Nobody stopping us, nobody getting in our way, but we both knew it wasn't our relationship we needed to continuously fight for - it was stopping my drinking.

Of course, we both knew I wasn't just going to _stop_. I'd probably have been able to manage it for a couple weeks, but then another _Branning_ springs another _Branning_ lie on me, and I tumble back down the hill of drowning my worries in vodka. I just wished I could make it all go away; change everything. The only thing I'd keep the same was me and Joey.

To be honest, as horrid to myself as it sounds, I think it was great in a way that he'd broken up at me. I needed to realize I actually needed professional help, not just let my emotions out on the boy I loved - that wasn't his job. His job was to love and care for me, and really, that's what he did. I was actually freakishly thankful to him; it was weird.

Although my Mum did now understand that I need help, at least I think she did, she still didn't understand why I had moved back in with Joey, when he'd broken my heart enough times. Why didn't she see that I needed to be around someone who will never judge me? She'd continuously tried to call or text me, or at least get in some form of contact from me; she'd been banging on the door and shouting at the top of her voice last night until it got dark, in a desperate attempt to change my mind. I wasn't going to though. I needed his help. Not hers. His.

As we made our way forwards, nearing further towards the cafe, he stopped me, positioning a hand on my waist and pulling me so I was facing him. "Babe? Are you sure this is what you want?" he questioned me hesitantly, me shaking my head at his undeniable concern for me and linking my arm through his again.

I looked up at him whilst I spoke, hoping to put as much honesty and belief into my words as possible. It was extremely adorable hat he worried and I was certain that he still thought it was his fault I was in the state I was in yesterday. Although, it was far from it. "Of course it is, Joey. We need to face her someday, don't we, eh?" I told him, my lips curling into a small smile, his doing the same, clearly satisfied with my answer as we made our way inside.

We walked over to a small booth in the corner by the window, a wash of relief coming over both of us as we saw it was Marie who was serving. Being honest, I was a little disappointed with this, since it was about time I actually gave that Lucy Beale a piece of a Branning's mind...

* * *

A little later on, Joey had gone to work, leaving me alone in No.23 with Alice babysitting Scarlett for the rest of the afternoon.I hadn't seen Kat or Michael for a while, so I didn't really know where they were. I'd left a lot of my drawing equipment at home, so I didn't have much to do. It wasn't that I didn't like being on my own, it gave me some space and time to think, it's just that with everybody gone and nobody looking over my back, with Lucy Beale still lurking around, who knows when I would suddenly flip out for no reason?

Without warning, I suddenly sprang out of my seat to the kitchen, finding myself tearing open doors of the fridge and cupboards, finding a vodka bottle I'd managed to sneak in when I'd lived here before. I unscrewed the cap, hesitating slightly before I brought the liquid to my lips, the sensation burning as if it was poison in my throat. I took a few gulps, before placing it back down and wincing slightly at the taste. Why was I doing this?

Why would Joey even want to help me? All I'd done is give him even more dramas than he already had and made his life a living hell. Why would Alice or Joey even want me in their home? I'd end up being thrown out anyway by the looks of it. Then again, why am I even in their home? How would this help?

I shook my head, taking another sip of my drink, my eyes widening as I saw I'd nearly already drunk the whole bottle; it didn't really surprise me though. My head started to pound, I put it in my hands and closed my eyes, slowly falling asleep...

* * *

"Lauren? Lauren... LAUREN!"

A voice broke me from my sleeping trance, my shoulder being shook furiously as I opened my eyes, immediately regretting everything I'd done in the last few hours as I stared at the empty bottles infront of me. My eyes pricked with tears, afraid to look up at the person stood before me. "Lauren,"

The voice said again delicately, me relaxing a little but not too much as I realized who it was. "Alice..." I managed to whisper, her smiling sympathetically at me, before taking me into her arms and hugging me gently, releasing me minute later.

"I know you didn't mean it..." she started, me nodding immediately as soon as those words left her mouth. "But I can't let you hurt my brother again..." she murmured, me furrowing my eyebrows, my gaze turning into a glare as she realized what she was saying. Hurt _him_ again? He hurt me. "I know you know you need help, you do... and this isn't going to help." she continued, taking the bottles from my hands and making quick disposal of them.

I rolled my orbs at her, ignoring the tears blurring my vision. "You don't understand what it's like." I muttered simply, watching her shrug her shoulders and sit down next to me. "No, Alice, listen to me. You don't. You don't know at all. How long have you known this family? Like, a year? You don't know of everything that's happened. I'm sorry this family can't be as perfect as your old little life back in who knows where with your mother."

"You're right, I don't understand what it's like. I didn't say I did," she said quietly, her ways of being so innocent only sparking more anger up inside me. "But I certainly understand that when you're trying to stop drinking, you don't suddenly drink more. Where did you find this? Did you buy some? I thought you were broke?" she questioned curiously, me rolling my eyes again at her. Why did she have to be like this? "Why do you want to drink so much, Lauren? Is Joey really making you that unhappy?"

Now that question really snapped my heart in two. Of course it wasn't because of Joey, he was the only one helping me through this. I didn't even understand why I drank myself...

"No," I sighed, fiddling with the bracelet from Joey which hung loosely around my wrist. "I just... I just found it." I told her, taking a hard swallow; _by the look in her eyes I'd say she didn't believe me? What a surprise._

"Where? We don't have secret stashes of vodka in this house, Lauren. Where did you find this? Is this what you're going to do? Take advantage of us letting you stay here?" she questioned again. Why did she have to ask so many questions? I just didn't get it.

I shook my head, closing my eyes, trying to shut myself out from the world for a few moment to collect myself together. "I fou-"

"Whatever, Lauren. If Joey still wants you here after what I've told him, that's fine by me. Just don't ask me to pick up the pieces." she snapped suddenly, sliding out from her chair and bolting back upstairs.

I put my head in my hands again, tears tumbling down my cheeks as an unintelligible sound escaped my lips.

I needed Joey.

Now.

* * *

_**A/N: R&R.**_** I hope you enjoyed it, sorry it ended on sadness;(.  
**

**1/2 for more chapters to come, not sure how long I'll carry this on for. **

**-Charlotte x**


	3. chapter 3

**Hi.**

**So first of all, I apologize to you guys for hardly updating at all recently. I could come up with millions of excuses why I haven't but I think I'll just save you guys some time ;). I've been pretty busy working on my other fan fiction for tumblr, which I wont mention on here since it's completely irrelevant to the J/L storyline.**

**And again, thank you to everyone who's sent me lovely reviews - it's you guys who make my day! x I hope you're enjoying reading my stories as much as I'm enjoying writing them;). **

**Anyway, let's carry on with the story my friends!**

* * *

I pressed my palms firmly into my cheekbones as my fingers settled on my forehead, squeezing my eyes shut to try and prevent anything else happening. I just couldn't help myself. And I didn't know why. My hands were shaking as they covered my mascara stained face, my shoulders slumping downwards to try and block out the rest of the world. Why couldn't I just stop all this? Why couldn't I just change everything that had happened to me in the last few months? Life would be so much better, so much easier.

I knew that I needed professional help. And I definitely regretted what I had just done; I couldn't have been more sorry. But how was I supposed to stop this if I keep getting put back where I started? It was my fault that I always drank, wasn't it? I could probably stop whenever I wanted...

I let out a deep breath, drawing it back in slowly, feeling the tears starting to tumble down from my harshly stung eyes. How could I do this to myself? Why? Why did I do this to myself? So many questions ran through my head when I drank and I never quite knew how to answer any of them. I ran a hand through my dark, tangled hair, opening my eyes hesitantly to look around the room. I couldn't quite figure out how everyone coped with me continuously shattering their lives,

Suddenly, I shot up from my slouching position as I heard the door slam shut with a wild bang and footsteps coming up behind me in the hallway. I sighed, shaking my head as I felt two strong arms wrap their way around me, pulling me into his body. He curled his arms around my waist and guided me into the living room, sitting us down onto the sofa as I cuddled into my shoulder, not daring to steal a glance at him; I didn't need to, I knew who it was already.

He engulfed me into a tight hug, pressing gentle kisses to my forehead and whispering words soothingly into my ear. I closed my eyes once again, letting myself melt under his protective stature. I never understood how I got myself into these messes.

After a few minutes we sat in a comfortable silence, until Joey's hand came to rest itself underneath my chin, making me look up at him. He stroked my cheek gently, my face nuzzling automatically into his gesture. "Baby," he whispered quietly, pressing a gentle kiss to my lips. "Why do you do this?" he questioned, his voice becoming only a little more audible.

I shrugged my shoulders, looking away as he lifted my chin again, making my eyes lock back to his. "I don't know..." I managed to breath out unsurely, resting my hands at the crook of his neck. "I really don't know. If I _did_ know, I'd tell you. I promise,"

"I think we need to get you some professional help pretty soon y'know, Lauren," he told me, tucking a loose strand of my hair delicately behind my ear; I couldn't help but smile until we went back to the mood wrenching subject.

I shook my head again. I hated the idea of a stranger knowing things about me, judging me, not knowing me or what I'm capable of... "I don't want somebody I don't know, Joey. How will that help?" I questioned, seeing him raise his eyebrows slightly at my statement.

"Lo, they won't know anything about you. That way they can't judge you. They'll only know the things that you're comfortable with them knowing," he explained, it all starting to click together inside my head. I nodded in understanding. "It will be easier for them to help you that way. And, if you're feeling insecure about something, you know you can always talk to them, me or anyone else you know you can trust."

I leaned up, kissing his lips softly. "I don't know why you put up with me, Joe. All I do is ruin everybody's lives, I can't even have a _day_ without a drama..." I muttered, him putting a simple finger to my lips to quieten me.

"I put up with this drama queen, _my_ drama queen, because she's one of the most beautiful drama queens I've ever known," he reassured me, flashing me a small, genuine smile. "So, my drama queen, you need to stop being a drama queen, you drama queen." he added in quickly, me smiling and shaking my head at his unexpected humor.

"Sorry, I guess I'll stop being a drama queen," I smirked at him, a little more cheerful now he'd managed to push the heavy topic aside for a moment. I hated talking about how I felt or why I thought I did something. In conclusion, it'd always have been your fault you'd done whatever you'd done. But I promised that my life was going to improve from this point onwards. I wasn't going to face defeat anymore. We were going to make this work.

* * *

The next day, with my promise still written out clearly in my mind, I was pulling on my boots until I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder. I turned round to see who it was, my stature shrinking at the person my eyes locked with. I slowly shook my head, sighing, folding my arms tightly over my chest. We stood in silence for a few minutes, us both getting used to the others presence. I turned my head back to look at her, us both standing frozen, as if we were put on a sudden pause.

Alice had taken a few steps back, before she raised her eyebrows, opening her mouth to speak before I speedily interrupted her. "I'm so, so sorry, Alice. I really don't know what came over me last night. I'm going to change, I promise you! I talked with Joey an-"

"I know you talked with him, Lauren. I rang him," she explained, managing to give me a faint small which disappointingly didn't reach her eyes. "I forgive you. Don't do this to yourself again. You're a pretty great person," she continued, squeezing my shoulder and making her way out the door as she left me in a slight daze. As the door slammed shut, I did a little happy dance on the spot. I knew she didn't trust me anymore, but at least she wasn't mad like Mum and Dad would have been.

And that's when they both sprang back to mind. I closed my eyes, trying to will the thoughts away but I couldn't. It hurt how it was my Mum had only called me multiple times whilst my Dad hadn't rung me at all. Neither of them had even attempted to make any further contact with me and it seemed as if they didn't care at all. Mum had only called probably out of frustration of me not coming home with her. I knew I wasn't the perfect daughter, but I had never planned to be so.

I sighed, pushed my hair back over my shoulders and followed the path Alice had just taken; an awkward exit route out of the front door. I looked around, my gaze dropping at the sight of bloody No.5. It was like she wanted to kick me out all along. I took a deep breath to steady myself, my strides increasing in speed as I finally found the courage to bring up a fist and knock on the door. I stepped back, waiting for just a few seconds, until it finally opened. It was Abi.

"Lauren! I missed you! Where have you been?" Abi squealed cheerfully, throwing her arms around my shoulders. I smiled widely, bringing myself out of the hug before my expression dropped at the person I saw lurking behind her.

I narrowed my dark, lifeless eyes, my sister's happiness being drained from her the second she catches sight of my expression. She thought better than to say something she'll most probably regret; completely opposite to me. "Mum," I spat her name as if it was venom, seeing her eyes soften and her body hunch over. I rolled my eyes at her. She had no idea what had happened yesterday. "Miss me?" I questioned her sharply, my sarcasm completely evident.

"Lauren-"

"I don't even want to hear it, Mum. It's got nothing to do with you anymore," I snapped coldly, the anger boiling up inside of me. I closed my eyes, masking the pain for a few seconds before opening them and turning swiftly to my sister. "Abs, I'll speak to you later, yeah?" I told her, giving her another hug before bombing moodily towards the cafe, ignoring their broken shouts of my name.

I knew this wasn't the best solution, but any solution's better than none, right?

* * *

**R&R.**

**A/N:**

**Well, again, I'm sorry it's a short chapter. There is only one more part of this and I'm not sure about my other two stories. I'm lacking inspiration for them at the moment and I'm not sure where to take them. Sorry ;).**

**Please don't expect me to update regularly, I end up re-writing chapters thousands of times since I'm a horrible person and never even fucking like what I write so I'll probably end up deleting the whole thing if I'm not happy with it. **

**Thanks again, next part up soon, hopefully. **

**- Charlotte x**


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